all of it.

Working with clients on their aspirations and goals I am still surprised about the expectations many have and the demands they put on themselves. It’s not enough to have a well paying job. It’s not enough to have a family and raise children. No, they also want to have outrageously successful careers, entertain a big circle of friends and engage in extravagant hobbies. I am exaggerating just a little to make a point. But it really does feel like they want all of it and they want it now.

Part of the reason why we want it all is that we tend to think everyone else is outrageously successful in everything they do. Everyone else seems to be making more money than we are, they seem to manage their family life better and they go on crazy adventures. But we hardly ever see the whole picture. Our perception is very selective. Facebook is a champion in this. We envy others because they are always traveling and going places. We don’t see that they don’t have a relationship and spend a lot of lonely time in airports. Nobody talks about that. We envy others for their career and entrepreneurial success, but we don’t see that when we call it a day and head to the bar, they are still in the office preparing for the night shift.

The next challenge is that there are so many options. Skydiving? A weekend in Lisbon? The party with friends? Learning a new language? When you work a full time job, 5 days a week and you have to do laundry and clean your apartment and buy groceries… realistically I would say you have time for one or two hobbies. Think of your time as a pie, cut into pieces. I love pie, so one piece, of course, is for me. How do you want to distribute that pie? It’s as simple as that.

First: chill out! Life is not a competition, so don’t pressure yourself. You don’t have to justify yourself for bumming out all weekend and watching season 3 of House of Cards. And for me family time would win over work any time.

Set your priorities and be realistic. Make peace with not being able to do everything. Yes, it would be fun to go surfing every weekend, but what are you willing to give up for it?

The other step is: Do it! If you can make the time and it is a priority for you, then go do it already. Don’t complain and linger in the ‘should’. Kick yourself in the butt.

What are you willing to give up? Not just in terms of what you are doing now, but also in terms of what you would like to do, but just don’t have the time for. And then let it go. We can’t have it all. So relax and focus your energy on what’s truly important for you. It’s fine. Really.